This is an example of sexual child abuse.

Nine-year-old Susan’s mother works at night. Her stepfather James is around when she goes to bed, so many evenings James lies down beside Susan. As she goes to sleep, he rubs her breasts and genital area.

Examples of Sexual Child Abuse

• Fondling a child’s genitals
• Having intercourse with a child
• Having oral sex with a child
• Having sex in front of a child
• Having a child touch an older person’s genitals
• Using a child in pornography
• Showing X-rated books or movies to a child

This is an example of neglect.

John worked nights at the grocery store, but the family needed more money. Ellen looked for work, but the only job she could find required her to leave home at 3 a.m. The children, ages two and six, were alone for a few hours until John got home.

Examples of Child Neglect

• Not meeting a child’s need for food, clothing, shelter or safety
• Leaving a child unwatched
• Leaving a child in an unsafe place
• Not seeking necessary medical attention for a child
• Not having a child attend school

Parents and caretakers don’t always know that they are being abusive or neglectful. Few adults actually intend to hurt or neglect children.

Sometimes a caretaker just doesn’t know a better way to discipline a child. Sometimes an adult is just too frustrated with life and takes it out on a child.

An adult is more likely to abuse or neglect a child:

• If the caretaker was abused as a child
• If the caretaker is being abused by a spouse or partner
• If the caretaker uses alcohol or other drugs
• If the adult expects too much of a child
• If the child is the result of an unplanned pregnancy

Some adults don’t know how to correct a child without causing physical harm. An adult who has this problem can learn new ways to discipline without hurting a child.

• Look for times when the child is behaving well. Praise that behavior.
• Agree on a code word to use when things reach the boiling point. The code word signals that everyone needs some time to cool down before talking about the problem.
• When a child misbehaves, give the child a “time-out”, a few minutes alone to think about what happened.
• Talk to the child about the misbehavior and its effects.

Sometimes, parents and caretakers need to learn to control their own anger. They need to identify the things that make them more likely to hurt the children in their care.

Caretakers who abuse or neglect a child might be:

• Worried about not having enough money
• Having problems with spouses or partners
• Coping with a family member’s illness or death
• Acting the way their parents acted
• Stressed from their jobs or other problems
• Expecting unrealistic behavior for example, thinking a five-year-old can handle the same tasks as a nine-year-old, and do them as well.

Often people who abuse or neglect children experience more than one of these situations at the same time.

Hurting a child or not filling a child’s basic needs never makes things better. No matter what the problem, help is available.

Brenda’s teacher saw signs of neglect.

In the preschool class, four-year-old Brenda always seemed tired. Brenda never brought food for snack time, and she looked hungrily at other children’s sandwiches. Her classmates teased her because her hair was always dirty.

Paul saw signs of physical child abuse.

Paul lived next door to the Harris family, where someone always seemed to be yelling or crying. One night Paul heard glass break, then a man’s shouting and a loud thump. Ten-year-old Keisha ran out the door a few seconds later, crying. Her face was swollen with the start of a black eye.

The effects of child abuse can last a lifetime. An abused or neglected child needs help right away. Is a child you know being abused or neglected?

Warning Signs of Abuse and Neglect

• Cuts and bruises
• Broken bones or internal injuries
• Burns
• Constant hunger or thirst
• Lack of interest in surroundings
• Dirty hair or skin, frequent diaper rash
• Lack of supervision
• Pain, bruising, or bleeding in the genitals
• More knowledge about sex than is normal for the child’s age
• Hard-to-believe stories about how accidents occurred

Abuse and neglect have harmful effects on children. At worst, a child could die. More often, abused or neglected children live with fear or pain.

Abused or neglected children often experience:

• Frequent injuries
• Learning problems
• Fear or shyness
• Bad dreams
• Behavior problems
• Depression
• Fear of certain adults or places

The effects don’t end when the abuse or neglect stops. When abused or neglected children grow up, they are more likely to:

• Abuse their own families
• Use violence to solve their problems
• Have trouble learning
• Have emotional difficulties
• Attempt suicide
• Use alcohol or other drugs

Abuse and neglect are hard on the whole family. Some families need help in dealing with practical problems — for example, getting help to buy groceries or learning how to discipline a child without resorting to violence. In other cases, a child protection agency might move abused or neglected children away from their parents to a safe, temporary home. If abuse or neglect is severe, or if it continues, the children can be permanently moved away from their parents into a safe situation.

How Can We End Abuse and Neglect?